Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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