well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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