she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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