My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
