I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
