brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
