Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
