Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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