i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
