she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
where are you?
Hypothermia
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
