Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
