so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
