I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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