the condom got lost in my hair
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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