I smell stomach acid.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
