I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
