I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
