Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
