at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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