after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
