i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
