Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
false alarm, still single
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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