so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
