that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
