So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
