thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
