I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
