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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.

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• (585): View more from New York

  Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  the boozy kind. is there any other?

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice

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• (909): View more from California

  My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.

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• (305): View more from Florida

  Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.

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