Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
