no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
