And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
