I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
