i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
