on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
