Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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