Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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