onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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