I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
