i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
