So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
