that's an acceptable place to lick
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
