I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
