NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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