awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Randomize
