Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
