Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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