I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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