Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
