The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
