I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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